


Let Me Love Your Ice Cold Heart

by falltimeastronaut



Category: How to Get Away with Murder
Genre: Fluff, Heartbreak, M/M, Slut! Connor, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-24
Updated: 2017-12-24
Packaged: 2019-02-19 22:42:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13133733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/falltimeastronaut/pseuds/falltimeastronaut
Summary: There's 3 rules for Connor after his boyfriend broke his heart;1. It's just sex2. No feelings3. No more boyfriendsBut what if he meets someone who's gonna turn his world a little upside down?





	Let Me Love Your Ice Cold Heart

„I’m going for a walk, do you need anything, like from a grocery store or such?“, Connor asks Matt, his boyfriend. 

„No, I’m good“, said replies and goes back to concentrating on his TV. And so Connor leaves the house. He walks around with no destination.

_Just away from here,_ Connor thinks. He doesn’t ever want to go back to that house again.

 

 

 

**_5 weeks earlier_ **

 

_„You got fat“, Matt comments as Connor gets dressed._

_„Really?“, Connor asks, looking down on himself. He admits he gained a bit of weight, but he wouldn’t say he got fat._

_„Yeah“, Matt simply replies and just laughs._

_Connor tries to laugh it off. „He’s just joking“, he thinks. Matt still loves him._

 

 

**_4 weeks earlier_ **

 

_„I love you“, Connor says to Matt, because he does, he always did. And Connor knows Matt loves him back. But he waits for 5 minutes and Matt never replies. Connor doesn’t understand.  
„Matt?“, he asks._

_„What?“, said replies._

_„Don’t you love me back?“_

_And again there’s only silence echoing back to Connor._

 

 

**_3 weeks earlier_ **

 

_„I can’t believe you did that!“, Maddy yells at Connor. He doesn’t know what’s going on so he just gives her a questioning look._

_„Don’t act like you don’t know what I mean, Matt has told me about it!“, she adds to her confusing statement before. Connor suddenly remembers._

_„He told you?“, he asks._

_„Yeah, you’re disgusting, I don’t know why I’m even being friends with you!“_

_Connor can’t believe Matt would do that to him. He asked him not to. It was his secret, their secret now, and he told Connor’s best friend?_

 

 

**_2 weeks earlier_ **

 

_„Why are you crying? Stop being a baby Connor!“, Matt demands. But Connor can’t stop, it hurts too much._

_„God you’re such a wimp“ Matt rolls his eyes. „I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t mean to hit you. Are you happy now?“_

_But Connor can’t stop his tears. He doesn’t understand why Matt would do that to him._

 

 

**_1 week earlier_ **

 

_„Matt?“, Connor asks as they’re laying in their bed._

_„Yeah?“, said asks._

_„I love you“, he said again, hoping Matt would say it back this time. But he doesn’t and it’s getting worse than Connor could have ever imagined._

_„What are you expecting now, me saying it back? That won’t happen, Connor. The only thing you’re good for is sex, you gotta face that. I’ve never loved you, no one ever could, Connor. You’re not worth to be loved.“_

_And that’s when Connor breaks down. All these years they’ve been together and not one single day of them Matt has loved him. Connor feels like his world is just crashing down. His heart is burning, stomach’s twisting and he feels sick. That’s when Connor decides to build up his walls._

 

 

Connor runs, faster than he thought he could. All those flashing memories are tearing him apart right now. He has to escape, but he also knows he has no where to go, so he realizes that he has to get back eventually. He doesn’t want to think about that now though, so he runs faster until he’s out of breath, coming to stand in front of a gay bar.

In his desperate state of mind, he enters it, because all he wants to do right now is to forget.

 

Once he’s in, he’s going straight to the counter to order a drink. He needs to get Matt out of his mind right now.

After he’s finished the drink, he orders a shot, he figured he’d forget Matt faster this way. One shot turned into two, three, four… Connor lost count after that. He sees a man appear next to him, Matt long out of his thoughts.

„The next one goes on me“, he says, smiling at Connor. Said smiles back and nods.

„Connor“, he introduces himself.

„Jack“, the man replies. 

Connor now looks properly at the man next to him, of which he learnt his name is Jack.

_„He’s handsome“,_ Connor thinks. He keeps studying the man’s features and he realizes Jack must notice him staring, but Connor couldn’t care less right now. He quickly realizes he was wrong. This man isn’t handsome, he’s stunningly beautiful. His eyes are wandering up and down Jack until he gets interrupted.

„Are you okay?“, Jack asks, slightly worried, but with a chuckle in between his words. Connor just nods, too taken aback by the man sitting right beside him.

 

Moments later, Connor gets his mind together and starts chatting with Jack.

He doesn’t tell Jack about his ex boyfriend, who doesn’t even know he is Connor’s ex boyfriend yet. He just wants to feel loved again.

And so Jack invites Connor over to stay at his house.

 

Waking up in the morning, Connor can’t exactly recall what happened. That is until he looks to his left to find out the man sleeping next to him isn’t Matthew. Just as he was about to try to remember the man’s name, his headache kicks in.

_That was definitely one too many drinks,_ Connor thinks. He’s contemplating whether or not to wake up the sleeping man next to him to ask him for an aspirin. He decides against it in the end and gets up to make himself a coffee. Too soon Connor realizes this isn’t his apartment and in order to get coffee, an aspirin or anything helping this massive headache, he has to wake up the man whose name Connor still can’t seem to recall.

 

He goes back to the bed he woke up in and tries to remember what exactly happened or who the man is he’s probably slept with last night. Way too soon the harsh truth hits him.

 

_„Jack“_ , Connor recalls the man saying at the bar yesterday.

Great, so now he knows his name.

 

_„You wanna come over to my place?“_  
Connor remembers saying yes, more or less.

 

_„You were gonna get wasted, huh?“_

_„Yeah“_

_„Why?“_  
„What do you mean?“  
„There’s gotta be a reason you wanted to drown yourself in alcohol“  
„There’s nothing“

_„Come on“_

_„My boyfriend- sorry, ex-boyfriend is a dick“_

_„So now you’re on the hunt for a new one?“_  
„No“  
„Good, because I’m definitely not gonna be that for you“  
„Got it“

 

Ouch. Connor wishes he didn’t remember this part.

Suddenly he remembers all the details all so well.

He needs to get out. Now. And so he runs.

 

_„Maybe Matt was right“_ , Connor thinks. _„Maybe I’m not worthy of love“_

 

And that’s when Connor becomes cold. He’s tired of being played around with, being stepped on, being just sex to everyone.

And that’s when Connor becomes everything he hates.

 

There was just one problem he had right now: He’s practically homeless.

For some reason he thought it’d be a good idea to go to bars every night, let guys pay his drinks, let them invite him home. Connor’s life has now officially become sex. He’d call himself a whore, but he doesn’t get paid for this, if you don’t count all the drinks he gets.

 

 

It’s been half a year now since Connor’s been doing this for and from what he remembered it’s going pretty well. Some guys made him a two-night-stand, which Connor appreciated. Staying in a house for more than a night had something domestic to it. Also a good opportunity to wash his few clothes he still had. Not to mention a hangover-free day is all he needs sometimes. He’d call himself an alcoholic if it wasn’t part of his plan.

 

Currently Connor’s on a hunt of his next home.

_„And there he comes“_ , Connor says to himself, more in his head than out loud.

And that’s how it goes every night. Connor’s making sure he looks lonely enough for a guy to chat up with him. Then he’s acting shy and unsure at first and when he got the boy wrapped around his finger, he sets the trap.

Currently his new victim is making his way towards him.

„Are you all alone here?“, the stranger asks. Connor just nods his head, going straight after his plan; acting shy.

„Would you mind my company?“, the stranger asks again. Connor just shakes his head to that.

„Can you, uh, talk?“, the man now asks unsure.

„I do“, Connor says, giggling a bit. Did he really just giggle? 

„Okay“, the man laughs. „For a moment I thought you couldn’t“

„I’m Charles, by the way“, the man states. Connor just stares at him for a bit, pretending to check him out. Honestly, he’s given up on that a while ago. Though, he has to admit Charles is a quite good looking guy. _„Stop it, Connor“_ he tells himself off. 

„Connor“, he finally says, forcing a smile on himself.

 

The rest of the night goes as planned. Charles buys him a few drinks, they settle at Charles’ place and before Connor knew it, he woke up in a stranger’s bed again. But to his surprise, Charles was already up and settled for breakfast. 

_„A little breakfast never hurt nobody“_ , Connor thinks and joins Charles.

 

„Connor?“, Charles asks.

„Mhm?“, Connor replies, his mouth full of cereal.

„Do you think, uh..“, Charles begins.

„Fuck I’m not good at this“, he mumbles.

„Do you want to, uh, meet again sometime?“

Connor almost chokes on his cereal. He definitely can’t do that.

„I’m afraid that won’t happen“, Connor carefully says and gets up.

„Thank you for the breakfast though“, he says and packs the few things he has and leaves.

 

And again Connor finds himself in a bar.

„Rian“, Connor’s next victim introduces himself.

„Connor“, said replies.

And again he’s finding himself in some stranger’s bed in the morning.

 

Soon, Connor’s life has become a series of names.

 

„Trevor“  
„James“

„Blake“

„Alex“

„Jason“

„Bryan“

„Jaden“

„Sebastian“

„Drew“

„David“

„Charlie“

„Daniel“

„John“  
„Martin“

 

And that’s about all of the names Connor still remembers.

 

3 weeks and 17 guys, of which Connor doesn’t remember the name, later and he still goes after his plan.

Same set-up, same goal.

Shortly after entering the bar, Connor spots his next victim. He’s tall, maybe too tall for Connor’s liking, but he thinks he can manage. _„His brown eyes are matching his short, brown hair pretty well“_ , Connor thinks. And that’s where he stops his thinking, checking out guys is not something he does anymore. He’s more into bright eyes and bright hair anyways. And Connor knows that’s a complete lie but it’ll do. 

 

Connor walks up to the stranger. _Mistake number one._

„Hey handsome, what’s your name?“, Connor asks. _Mistake number two._

„Oliver“, the stranger replies. Connor smiles at him. _Mistake number three._

„Connor“, he then replies to the unspoken question.

 

The night went on quite well, maybe too well for Connor’s liking.  
Oliver offers to buy him a drink and if Connor’s being completely honest he almost feels the last remains of alcohol from yesterday night bubbling up his stomach. So that’s why he declines Oliver’s offer, who seems to be quite amused by the fact that Connor declined a free drink while he was at a bar, but he only just nods, ordering only one for himself.

 

The only thing going as planned is Connor ending up in Oliver’s bed. He’s positive he hasn’t had one alcoholic drink, but he feels drunk in the presence of Oliver.

 

He’s not sure how many mistakes he’s made at the end of the day, but he couldn’t care less. All Connor could care about right now is that weird feeling he’s got in his guts. He’s trying hard to fight it, he’s done it before, it shouldn’t be that hard. 

 

Waking up the next morning, Connor wants to sneak out, so he packs his few things and heads towards the door. To his surprise, the door was locked. He couldn’t blame Oliver though, this neighbourhood was known for its burglaries.

So he went back, unpacked everything and waited. While he was doing so, he glanced at the sleeping man next to him once in a while.

 

It feels like forever until Oliver finally wakes up.

„Morning“, he yawns.

„You up for long?“

Connor nods.

„Oh, I’m sorry, you should’ve woken me up“, Oliver says. 

Connor would never admit that, not even to himself, but it just had something calming to it, watching Oliver sleep. 

The silence that filled the room felt like forever and by far not comfortable. Connor wanted to say something, but nothing came to his mind that wouldn’t sound like he just watched Oliver sleep, so he remained silent.

„You want coffee?“ It was Oliver who broke the painful silence.

Connor just manages to nod, too caught up in his thoughts that he desperately wanted to push aside.

He follows Oliver back to his kitchen, where he watches him make both of them a cup of coffee.

„Milk? Sugar?“, Oliver asks.

Connor finally wakes up from his somewhat trance and shakes his head, which Oliver took for a no.

„I don’t even drink coffee“, Connor states, much to Oliver’s surprise since 5 minutes ago, he just agreed on getting coffee.

_Whatever_ , Oliver thinks to himself, _maybe he was just tired then._

„Tea then?“

And Connor nods again. This time he means it, tea would be perfect right now.

 

Oliver reaches him his cup of tea with a smile. And Connor can’t help himself, but think about how nice it looks on him. As much as he wants to push this thought away, it’s just not going, so, for once, he just lets it happen.

_And maybe_ , Connor thinks, _that was mistake number 4_.

 

After finishing his tea and the breakfast Oliver made for both of them, Connor feels bad about wanting to, _needing to_ , leave. He’d love to stay a second night, or a third, or fourth, or maybe a while, but this is Oliver and he can’t stay with him. Something about this boy makes Connor feel something and that’s the last thing he wants to happen.

„ _Love is for people who deserve it“_ , Connor thinks and so he finds himself in the door frame of Oliver’s apartment.

 

One last look at him and he turns around, saying goodbye.

And never has a goodbye hurt more than this, but Connor refuses to believe that. It didn’t hurt, he was just tired of going to bars every night and Oliver had absolutely nothing to do with this. At least that’s what he tells himself.

 

He’s wandering around town, trying to find a bar he’s never been before, which turned out to be quite difficult regarding how long he’s been doing this for. 

As he finally finds one, he just stands there and stares, considering whether to go in or not.

_Now this_ , Connor admits, _was definitely mistake number 5._ He just turns around, walking into the direction he came from. And he tells himself he’s just walking back, he’s just tired of bars and alcohol and guys, but he knows exactly where he’s heading.

 

Connor stops in front of a very familiar house, too familiar for his liking. He isn’t too sure what to do or why he’s here.  
Well, he’s definitely more sure of the latter than the first. One more step and he enters the apartment. He starts counting the steps he’s making, maybe so he doesn’t have to listen towhat his head tells him, he thinks. He isn’t sure anyways how he let his heart decide for this one, he never did, it was always his head. _Twenty-four, twenty-five._ He finally reaches the lift and presses the button to the 3rd floor. As he waits for the lift to go up, his thoughts are racing inside his brain. So many of them telling him to turn around, to keep on doing what he’s been doing for the past few months. And well, _maybe that was mistake number 6_ , but Connor blocks all these thoughts out of his head and walks out of the lift. _Thirty-four, thirty-five, thirty-six_ , and he’s finally made it to the all too familiar door. 

 

He knocks. _One time, two times, three times._ Nobody’s opening the door.  
Connor hesitates a few seconds before he turns around and walks away as suddenly the door opens. He turns around, though he isn’t quite sure if painfully slow or at the speed of sound. What he sees then is by far not what he expected, maybe even _hoped_ to see. Opposite Connor was a slightly toned, tall guy with big muscles and his grip tight on the door handle.  
„I.. uh.. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to..“, Connor stammers out, not quite finishing his sentence.

„I take it you’re looking for Oliver?“, the guy asks. Connor just barely manages to nod.  
They proceed to stand there in a painfully long silence.

„Look, I think it’s better you leave now“ and Connor can’t do anything but agree 'cause _fuck_ this dude looks like he could seriously hurt you if you don’t. And so Connor did, he turns around once more and takes a deep breath before starting to walk away.

 

„Who’s here?“, he then hears a very familiar voice. Connor freezes.  
„Connor?“ 

He didn’t dare to turn around, and _fuck_ , Connor thinks, _this is yet another mistake_ that he has long lost count of if he’s being honest. Thoughts are racing in his mind, but he isn’t moving one inch. He feels like his feet are glued to the ground and he’s not sure what could remove them from there.

 

Connor feels a hand on his shoulder and suddenly he knows what’s able to remove his feet from the ground. He turns around, this time he’s sure he did it at the speed of sound.

„Ollie“, he says, whether in his mind or out loud, he doesn’t know.

One thing, though, Connor is sure about now. He’s been staring at Oliver a bit too long to just turn around and leave. He’s not quite sure what Oliver’s waiting for, but then again, he’s also not exactly sure what _he_ is waiting for. And then he’s making _mistake number whatever_ as he leans in closer to Oliver.

It has been so long since Connor has last experienced such an intimate moment and he isn’t quite sure if he really enjoys it or if it scares him to death. But this is Oliver and Connor hates to admit that but he makes him feel safe. And then his lips are meeting Oliver’s and all of this feels so right and yet it’s so much to process, but Connor tries to put all of this aside right now and just _enjoy_ this. And now he thinks that, well _can you really call it mistakes when they lead to this?_

Connor’s thoughts are interrupted when his back suddenly meets something hard. He pulls back in surprise and realizes it’s just a wall and before he can think any further, Oliver’s mouth is on his’ again. 

 

Connor’s being pulled forward by a hand and before he knows it, he’s inside of Oliver’s apartment and he didn’t even notice when this tall muscular guy left, but he seems to be gone. And in the next second, Connor finds himself against the next wall, hands pressed beside his head, lips never losing contact. He tries to pull Oliver closer, needs more of this, more of him. Even though Connor’s done this just the night before, this feels different, so much different from last night. His hands are making their way to Oliver’s ass, pulling him even closer. The contact is killing him and there are still way too many clothes and it drives him nearly insane. He can’t believe that Oliver makes him feel like he hasn’t just fucked half of Philadelphia in the past months. Right now it’s just him and Oliver and it feels like it’s been way too long since he’s been doing this, with anyone, but especially with Oliver. As he starts kissing and biting at Connor’s neck, he’s sure he’s lost all sense of control. All of this feels so familiar and yet so different and Connor can’t keep his moan inside anymore, this is all too much. And right when he thinks it’s all too much, Oliver presses his hips into Connor’s and he nearly screams at the contact. He’d be lying if he says he isn’t embarrassed to be this turned on after having done this every other night for so long now. But this is Oliver, this is different. It’s always different with Oliver.

 

Connor gets pulled back into reality when he feels Oliver tug at his t-shirt. He lifts his arms so Oliver can remove it. He throws it somewhere behind them, neither of them sure where it landed, neither of them really cared either. Oliver’s hands wander up and down Connor’s torso, expecting every inch as if he’s never seen it before. He starts kissing Connor’s neck, down to his collar bones. He stops at his nipples and starts nibbling on them, licking over the mess he’s made. Moving further down to his stomach, getting lower. Connor lets out a shaky moan and puts Oliver’s face in his hands to pull him up into a kiss again. He removes Oliver’s shirt as well and throws it in the same direction his landed. He starts working on Oliver’s belt and Oliver does the same. Soon they were both left in only their boxers.  


Oliver starts kissing down Connor’s torso again and Connor wishes he could turn it around, wishes he could spoil Oliver as much as he deserved, but he seemed to want to spoil Connor tonight, so he just lets it happen. When Oliver reaches the waistband of Connor’s boxers and kisses down his happy trail, he swallows his moan halfway. This is all way too much for Connor to process, to feel, but he can’t do anything about it, as much as if feels too much, it also feels way too right. And then Oliver pulls his boxers down and starts licking along his length up to his shaft and Connor moans so loud he swears he’d just exploded if he didn’t. Connor doesn’t remember anyone ever being as good at giving head as Oliver was. He just sucks and twists in all the right ways and Connor’s sure he’s gonna cum already if Oliver doesn’t stop soon. So he gently pulls Oliver’s head off his dick and moves him up to his face for another kiss. 

 

Connor’s getting down on his knees and decides to return the favour and pulls Oliver’s boxers down and puts his length all the way in. He gags a bit, but Oliver’s loud moan encourages him to keep going. He bobs up and down, at a pace Oliver swears is inhuman, never losing eye contact. He feels Oliver squirming under his touch so he pulls away and gets back up to kiss him again.

„Turn over“, Oliver demands and Connor obeys. Something about the harsh voice of Oliver really turns him on, even more than he already was, god knows how this is possible.  
Oliver pushes Conner even further into the wall, his dick rubbing so tightly against Connor’s ass that a moan escapes both of their mouthes. Oliver guides his hand towards Connor’s ass to prepare him, but Connor pushes his hand away.  
„Just go“, he says, voice shaky.

„But..“, Oliver protests.  
„Just fucking fuck me, Oliver“ is it now Connor’s time to demand. And Oliver can’t do anything but obey to Connor’s words because they’re both far over just turned on and impatient. 

 

Oliver slowly positions himself at Connor’s entrance and pushes in. Connor hisses at the slight pain he’s feeling, but honestly he’s been doing this almost every night, he doesn’t need preparation, especially not now. Oliver positions his arms right beside Connor’s head and kissed down his neck as Connor gets used to Oliver being inside him.

Connor tries to move his ass further back to get more of Oliver, but he doesn’t get very far because Oliver’s got the hint and slams his hips into Connor until Connor’s hips hit the wall with a thud and Connor almost screams at the sensational feeling. It’s as if Oliver knew exactly what he needed without ever having to tell him. Oliver keeps thrusting into Connor until their moans are synched. Connor reaches one of his hands down to touch himself because he was so, so close, but Oliver slaps his hand away and leans into him.  
„No touching“, he whispers into Connor’s ear and Connor swears he’d cum just from that alone. But Connor obeys and Oliver keeps thrusting into him, hitting his prostate every now and then. Nobody’s ever had Connor screaming, but Oliver did. Connor keeps crying out the other’s name as he shoots his load all over Oliver’s wall.

„Fuck, Connor I’m close“, Oliver warns him. It only takes a few more thrusts until he shoots his load into Connor with a few curses and the other’s name. 

 

Connor turns around and kisses Oliver. His knees are so weak, though, he slides down the wall, pulling Oliver with him. He doesn’t understand what this boy does to him, but part of him doesn’t even care because all of this feels so good, so right.

And Connor is aware that this is probably not the right time or place, but when will it ever be? So he lays his head in Oliver’s lap and looks up at him.

„Ollie?“  
„Hm?“  
„Will you be my boyfriend?“ Connor is pretty sure he’s broken _all_ of his rules with this one sentence, but all he knows right now is that the only person he’d let break his heart is Oliver and he also knows that he never would.

 

Oliver’s eyes start glaring slightly and his mouth forms a smile.

„Yes, yes I will“

 

And Connor’s sure he’s still got a lot to (re-)learn about love and relationships and trust and whatnot, but he has never been more sure about something than that he would try to work on that, for Oliver.


End file.
